Type A

Type A - of or pertaining to a pattern of behavior characterized by competitiveness, a sense of urgency, impatience, perfectionism, and assertiveness
[dictionary.com]

Sense of urgency - always.
Impatience - yes.
Perfectionism - at times.

This time of year it's easier than ever to see my tendency to be "type a". I plan my days by the hour, write things in my calendar that are months away, make to-do lists that include ridiculous details, and look forward to things that aren't even guaranteed to happen. Just like many other college students, my mind is no longer on school. The blinders have been put on and my excitement for summer to begin is taking over. Some may call it good planning, while others may call it being "type a". Either way you look at it, I am failing to be content with where I'm at. Living in the present is always a problem for me - I love to plan (which makes NOT looking ahead difficult), my sense of urgency is out of this world, and I just get so EXCITED for what lies ahead! The problem with this is that I begin to wish time away, plan my life (as if it's mine to plan), and over think. Ohhh the downfalls of always being so excited....

So here I am - planning my work schedule between finals and graduation, planning my last week between graduation and OC, planning the fun things I can do with my girls in OC, planning what to bring to OC, planning what to do after OC until school begins, planning when I'll move into our new house, planning my classes for next semester, planning my financial aid for my last year of school, and planning what Cru will look like at CNU next year. WOW. Can you say "O you of little faith"? I plan as if things won't work out if I don't. I plan as if my plans are guaranteed. I plan as if it's all about ME.

According to my plan, 50% of support would already be in for this summer. But it's not. Does that change God's provision? No. Does that change my excitement? No. Does that change the plan God has for me being in OC? No. But it does change one thing - it changes my faith in Jenna. It changes my faith in my own plans working out. So I'm letting go.


Matthew 6: 25-34

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[e]?
28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

So now I try to not worry, not plan, and not wish time away....I want to take each day as it comes.


-A Tree Full of Angels, Macrina Wiederkehr
We stand in the midst of nourishment and we starve. We dwell in the land of plenty, yet we persist in going hungry. Not only do we dwell in the land of plenty; we have the capacity to be filled with the utter fullness of God (Eph. 3:16-19). In the light of such possibility, what happens? Why do we drag our hearts? Lock up our souls? Why do we limp? Why do we straddle issues? Why do we live feebly, so dimly? Why aren't we saints?
Each of us could come up with individual answers to all of these questions, but I want to suggest here a common cause. The reason we live life so dimly and with such divided hearts is that we have never really learned how to be present with quality to God, to self, to others, to experiences and events, to all created things. We have never learned to gather up the crumbs of whatever appears in our path at every moment. We meet all of these lovely gifts only half there. Presence is what we are all starving for. Real presence! We are too busy to be present, too blind to see the nourishment and salvation in the crumbs of life, the experiences of each moment. Yet the secret of daily life is this: there are no leftovers. There is nothing - no thing, no person, no experience, no thought, no joy or pain - that cannot be harvested and used for nourishment on our journey to God. What I am suggesting here is that everything in your life is a stepping-stone to holiness if only you recognize that you do have within you the grace to be present to each moment. Your presence is an energy that you can choose to give or not give. Every experience, every thought, every word, every person in your life is a part of a larger picture of your growth. That's why I call them crumbs. They are not the whole loaf, but they can be nourishing if you give them your real presence. Let everything energize you. Let everything bless you. Even your limping can bless you.

So let's start collecting crumbs - collecting the experiences of each moment that brings nourishment to our souls.